Checking in

I weighed myself this week and I'm now 11 stone 7lbs. I'm down nearly 10lbs. Woop woop.

This week I hardly did any exercise. I was exhibiting at a pharmacy event on Sunday and Monday, for work and didn't get back til late on Monday. I eat rubbish those two days. Mother nature paid a visit Tuesday and I never feel like doing anything during that time, but I did keep my eating under control.

Finally got myself out jogging. Boy is it cold today! I couldn't jog too much today. I just really struggled with fatigue. Anyway, still managed to get in 30 mins of exercise.

Weighed myself and was really pleased that I hadn't gained weight but lost some. Yeah!

Going to play badminton tomorrow with my boyfriend so I'm glad to get the extra exercise in. We eat so much shit when we are together.

I've made a bit of a break through

My friend got married last week, aside from looking beautiful, she was sooo skiny, in a good way. The rest of the bridsmaids were slim as well. It was then, that I think I had an epiphany. I knew I could not continue gaining weight. The pictures the next day told a very sad tale. I look short and fat! Just horrible.

After I got knocked off my bike, I started jogging in the mornings. I try to get out jogging around 6-6.30 am so that I can get back, shower and change and still avoid traffic on the way to work.

I had some ups and downs with food; I went to an industry dinner one night and then the other night, I went to a friend's leaving do/baby shower. On each occasions, couldn't resist the food, but I made sure to go jogging the next day. I hardly saw any movement on the scale. Then, then morning, I'd lost 5lbs! Yeah me! From 12st 3lbs, down to 11st 10lbs.

Today, I'm heading to Birmingham for an exhibition at which my company is exhibiting. I'm taking my gym clothes so I can exercise at the hotel gym.

Surprisingly, my carb cravings are under control but I'm taking some chicken and veg with me to stop me craving junk on my long drive.

I was knocked off my bike

On Wednesday I decided to cycle to work especially as the weather was so nice. Well, about 30 mins into my journey at a junction that was my right of way, I was nearly knocked off my bike. Only by the grace of God, did the bike stay together enough to prevent me hitting the ground.

The stupid driver said some shit about not seeing me. I was screaming myhead off at him, asking him how he couldn't see me. I had a high vis jacket on!

Anyway I told him I was calling the police and tried to take a photo of his car. At that point he got back in the car and tried to drive off. A member of the public or so I thought, used his car to block his path. The offending driver then tried to reverse and do a u-turn but the car tried again to block his path and then suddenly, I hear a police siren. The member of the public turned out to be a police man! who had witnessed the entire thing. He was furious with the driver for trying to drive off and kept asking me if I was okay.

He detained the driver and called the police team responsible for haringey to come and make the arrest and check the drivers details.

God was looking out for me that day. I was so grateful to the police man.

It occurred to me that this driver would be the type who would hit and run without a second thought.

Anyway, I had no injuries but my bike was mashed. The police officer who helped me texted me the drivers details and said to make sure that I claim on the drivers insurance and to tell him if the driver doesn't pay to repair my bike.

How lucky am I?

I've had accidents before and its never stopped me cycling, so once I get new bike, I'm back on the bike.

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO of my company. He is a hard task master and so because the last time I saw him , I was given a 5 hour grilling.

In prep, I went for a jog this morning to clear my head. I was really pleased as I managed 35 minutes without stopping. I also watched this video on YT. The comments from the guy and the woman's reaction pierced my heart and made me get up and go jogging. I can't name the number of times i've looked at myself and felt those feelings of self loathing.

I'm really tired though, hopefully, I'll adjust.

I'm feeling really down

I feel so unattractive at this weight. I try not to look in the mirror at myself as it just depresses me.

I have 2 pregnant women at work who barely look pregnant from the back and yet here I am, a not pregnant and fatter than they are!

Sigh. I'm now tipping the scales at 12st 1lb. I started cycling to work last month, but only managed to do it for 2 weeks. I ended up going to various meetings or places which required the car, then it rained solid for a few weeks and I didn't cycle.

To be honest, I've used all those reasons as an excuse. On saturday I cycled for 2 and half hours, I was exhausted but I thought it was worth it. I told myself I would cycle to work again now that I've found a route that puts me on the pavement almost all the way to work.

I found an excuse not to. In my head my excuse was I needed to get to work early because I'd encounter too much traffic, or I'd lie o myself that I was going to cycle after work or jog after work or even jog before work. Add to the mix my desperate need for carbs and of course I gain weight.

My go to carbs is Chinese food, pizza, burger and if I don't want to spend the money, then a boat load of pasta. I feel great while eating it, then after an hour, I'm beset by disgust at my gluttony.

I spend the rest of the evening feeling awful and vowing to myself that I won't repeat the mistake. Alas, my feelings of guilt dissipate with the next craving for carbs and then I'm caught in a vicious cycle.

I don't know what to do other than find some way of overcoming my carb cravings. I know I need to pre plan my meals which will be a big help. My dad has my car tomorrow so i have no choice but to cycle. I'll pre plan my meals for work and have an energy bar before getting on the bike. I'm also going to try protein shakes every day.

Cycling to work

I've put on weight to the point that I have back fat. I realised then that something had to change. On a Saturday, I got my bike from the balcony where it had been exposed to the elements and was rusty and unused. I changed the tyers and the inner tube, spent ages scrubbing the rust off the chain oiled it and took it for a spin. I nearly died. I only rode for 15 or so minutes and was ready to pass out.

On Monday I was determined that I would cycle to work. It was nothing but long windey roads which were up hill most of the way. I had to get off the bike 3 times, it was like I was doing the tour de France! At one point, I felt like throwing the bike under a truck and letting it get mangled and destroyed! Anyway, I made it after an hour and half of hard slogging.

I didn't wear a helmet the first time as I wasn't sure what I was going to do with helmet head once I got to work.

Today I rode in again and wore my helmet. My hair was soaked with sweat when I arrived. I wore my hair like this as it was the only thing I could do with it once it was wet.

It means I'll be forced to wear up dos. I never worn a braid out to work, but judging from the experience with the helmet, it looks like I'll have to wear up dos

Desperate for some carbs

I had a meeting in Liverpool yesterday. Naturally, when i'm away from home, it's difficult to maintain healthy eating, especially as I can't carry healthy food with me., well I can but I'm lazy about it. Anyway, I made some low fat, low carb cheesecake. Lunch was really late and by that time I would have eaten a cow!

We finished up around 2.30. I got home at 6pm and for some reason was so exhausted that I collapsed into bed. I couldn't sleep though.

Once I got my exhaustion under control, I had a desperate need for carbs. I would have made pasta, and a huge bowl like I normally do when I need carbs, but this time I didn't have any pasta so i had brown rice which did the job.

Today, more craving for carbs and just as I was about to indulge, my dad called to remind me how fat I am, blah blah blah. I guess my weight must be really obvious. Just as I was celebrating my 8lb loss.

Anyway, the lecture worked because I don't want any carbs at all now.

One thing I took away is that every bit of rubbish I eat ads up. I loose weight so slowly that need not be disheartened if I don't loose any weight in a given week.

I've put on more weight : (

Two weeks ago, I was doing really good. Going running and eating well. Last week I fell off the wagon and this week has been even worse.

I stood on the scale and I am now 12st 1lb. I've gained 6lbs in 2 weeks? WTF?

I was so upset. But again, I reverted to eating rubbish at work today. My boss insisted on taking us out to lunch. He was called into a meeting with our CEO which meant lunch was delayed. I was so hungry that I munched on 2 milky bars (2 in each packet) and some nuts I had in my drawer. We went to harvester of all places and of course, I couldn't resist, so I eat all I could.

I'm completely full , my stomach is huge and my back fat - wooh

But despite all this, I want a Chinese so bad. I've tried to distract myself and even bought some dresses from the Bench ebay outlet. I still want that Chinese. I'm trying to justify eating the Chinese by saying I'm going to spend this week kick starting my weight loss.

I just remembered I made some beef bolognas sauce so I'll eat that with pasta instead.

Back on the weight loss

I've fallen off completely! I'm back at size 12/14 and 11 stone 8lbs

I hate my job and the people I work with. The misery and dissatisfaction with my job resulted in me putting on a hell of a lot of weight.

I'm glad that I've got a new job. I want to be in a good frame of mind going forward and that means dropping the weight.

Since I'm winding down from work, I'm spending fewer days in the office, which means I can regulate my eating better. Regulate in the sense that boredom won't make me eat. My most dangerous times for eating junk is between 4-6 which is the hour before I finish work and the hour just before I get home. By the time I get home, I am starving and once I get home, I'll eat anything.

I kinda started exercising last week and I lost 2lbs. Today I went jogging for about 30 minutes. I am absolutely exhausted and my thighs ache.

Eating wise, I'm attempting to keep my calories under 1200. The easiest way for me to do this is by eating small amounts regularly and drinking lots of diet drinks, tea and coffee.