I'm feeling really down

I feel so unattractive at this weight. I try not to look in the mirror at myself as it just depresses me.

I have 2 pregnant women at work who barely look pregnant from the back and yet here I am, a not pregnant and fatter than they are!

Sigh. I'm now tipping the scales at 12st 1lb. I started cycling to work last month, but only managed to do it for 2 weeks. I ended up going to various meetings or places which required the car, then it rained solid for a few weeks and I didn't cycle.

To be honest, I've used all those reasons as an excuse. On saturday I cycled for 2 and half hours, I was exhausted but I thought it was worth it. I told myself I would cycle to work again now that I've found a route that puts me on the pavement almost all the way to work.

I found an excuse not to. In my head my excuse was I needed to get to work early because I'd encounter too much traffic, or I'd lie o myself that I was going to cycle after work or jog after work or even jog before work. Add to the mix my desperate need for carbs and of course I gain weight.

My go to carbs is Chinese food, pizza, burger and if I don't want to spend the money, then a boat load of pasta. I feel great while eating it, then after an hour, I'm beset by disgust at my gluttony.

I spend the rest of the evening feeling awful and vowing to myself that I won't repeat the mistake. Alas, my feelings of guilt dissipate with the next craving for carbs and then I'm caught in a vicious cycle.

I don't know what to do other than find some way of overcoming my carb cravings. I know I need to pre plan my meals which will be a big help. My dad has my car tomorrow so i have no choice but to cycle. I'll pre plan my meals for work and have an energy bar before getting on the bike. I'm also going to try protein shakes every day.