I was knocked off my bike

On Wednesday I decided to cycle to work especially as the weather was so nice. Well, about 30 mins into my journey at a junction that was my right of way, I was nearly knocked off my bike. Only by the grace of God, did the bike stay together enough to prevent me hitting the ground.

The stupid driver said some shit about not seeing me. I was screaming myhead off at him, asking him how he couldn't see me. I had a high vis jacket on!

Anyway I told him I was calling the police and tried to take a photo of his car. At that point he got back in the car and tried to drive off. A member of the public or so I thought, used his car to block his path. The offending driver then tried to reverse and do a u-turn but the car tried again to block his path and then suddenly, I hear a police siren. The member of the public turned out to be a police man! who had witnessed the entire thing. He was furious with the driver for trying to drive off and kept asking me if I was okay.

He detained the driver and called the police team responsible for haringey to come and make the arrest and check the drivers details.

God was looking out for me that day. I was so grateful to the police man.

It occurred to me that this driver would be the type who would hit and run without a second thought.

Anyway, I had no injuries but my bike was mashed. The police officer who helped me texted me the drivers details and said to make sure that I claim on the drivers insurance and to tell him if the driver doesn't pay to repair my bike.

How lucky am I?

I've had accidents before and its never stopped me cycling, so once I get new bike, I'm back on the bike.

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO of my company. He is a hard task master and so because the last time I saw him , I was given a 5 hour grilling.

In prep, I went for a jog this morning to clear my head. I was really pleased as I managed 35 minutes without stopping. I also watched this video on YT. The comments from the guy and the woman's reaction pierced my heart and made me get up and go jogging. I can't name the number of times i've looked at myself and felt those feelings of self loathing.

I'm really tired though, hopefully, I'll adjust.

I'm feeling really down

I feel so unattractive at this weight. I try not to look in the mirror at myself as it just depresses me.

I have 2 pregnant women at work who barely look pregnant from the back and yet here I am, a not pregnant and fatter than they are!

Sigh. I'm now tipping the scales at 12st 1lb. I started cycling to work last month, but only managed to do it for 2 weeks. I ended up going to various meetings or places which required the car, then it rained solid for a few weeks and I didn't cycle.

To be honest, I've used all those reasons as an excuse. On saturday I cycled for 2 and half hours, I was exhausted but I thought it was worth it. I told myself I would cycle to work again now that I've found a route that puts me on the pavement almost all the way to work.

I found an excuse not to. In my head my excuse was I needed to get to work early because I'd encounter too much traffic, or I'd lie o myself that I was going to cycle after work or jog after work or even jog before work. Add to the mix my desperate need for carbs and of course I gain weight.

My go to carbs is Chinese food, pizza, burger and if I don't want to spend the money, then a boat load of pasta. I feel great while eating it, then after an hour, I'm beset by disgust at my gluttony.

I spend the rest of the evening feeling awful and vowing to myself that I won't repeat the mistake. Alas, my feelings of guilt dissipate with the next craving for carbs and then I'm caught in a vicious cycle.

I don't know what to do other than find some way of overcoming my carb cravings. I know I need to pre plan my meals which will be a big help. My dad has my car tomorrow so i have no choice but to cycle. I'll pre plan my meals for work and have an energy bar before getting on the bike. I'm also going to try protein shakes every day.